Raise your hand and say ‘Yes!’ if you’ve had a friend betray you? There comes a time in our lives when we realize not everything is as it seems, our friends who we thought would never betray us hit us hard in our most vulnerable hour of need...
This year I’ve lost a few 20+ year friendships on top of everything else that’s gone on (how much is one to take seriously?). One friend, I’ve lost due to his partner insecurities, the other my oldest dearest friend of 26 years, all because she betrayed my trust at the worst possible time.
It’s the hard realization when reality sinks in and we discover we can’t trust those who we thought would never hurt us. The mere words that are spoken without our permission to others we don’t want in the know, cut and hurt deeply. My personal and private hell being discussed with others? Why would they do that? It’s when gossip isn’t gossip but talking about it to others isn’t appropriate at all! More to the point when one of your closets friends confides in you, then keep it to yourself!
Suspicion led me to question things after I put a few clues together. It was confirmed via the phone call I made. Admission of guilty was clear as day as I heard the words they uttered. Shocked and disheartened I raised my voice in anger and hurt – it’s a natural thing to do, right?
They can’t understand why I’m so upset? Apparently, it’s okay to talk to other people about my own personal turmoil because I’ve told a few other people myself. In my mind who I TELL is up to me, that doesn’t give them the right to discuss that with other people, especially in a small town where everyone talks, NO it’s not acceptable.
The friendship was left hanging in the air, we never said we wouldn’t be friends, we both said our peace and the phone call ended. After that, we exchanged a few messages. Again we both said our peace and left it at that.
A few weeks later they unfollowed me on Facebook both on Character 32 and my own personal Facebook account. Just like that our 26-year friendship was over!
What I’ve learned in this experience when it comes to losing a friend:
- It’s better to learn now who I can and can’t trust
- We all make mistakes and sometimes it ends friendships
- Forgiving is one thing but when your trust is gone it's gone
- I want friends I can trust
- Friendships are about respect for one another
- Maybe our friendship wasn’t what I thought it was
- We can outgrow friendships, it happens
I’m already in a year of hard times, therefore, I might as well get it all over and done with in one go! I looked at this time in my life like it’s ‘Time to Clear the Deadwood’ out with old and in with new, something better is on my horizons.
So what does the ‘Big 3’ Stress Solutions Puzzle look like when it comes to How to Deal with Losing a Friend When Trust is Broken?
Hurt and upset is how I feel about our friendship being over however I’ve got to let it go. Maybe this bond we shared wasn’t meant to be and the time had come for me to face that reality. Will, I miss her? Yes, and she remains forever in my heart. But I need to accept our 26-year ‘sisterhood’ friendship is gone and let go of the emotional stress and hurt associated with that.
People come in and out of our lives and I strongly believe it’s for a reason. So why would our friendship end at such a crucial time of my emotional hurt? It’s to let me know this year I need to clear any ‘deadwood’ allowing me to find new friends who are more suited to me.
Remember my motto for positive change is ‘Little Puzzle Pieces Create a Big Picture’… Since I’ve lost a few long-term friendships I’ve realized I’ve outgrown these friendships and they are no longer what they used to be like they were 10 years ago. I’ve now discovered WHO my true friends are. They take my calls at all hours of the night, are there for me in my hour of need, keep what I say to themselves and treat me with so much respect, kindness and give great advise. I honestly wouldn’t have gotten through this year without them.
So, by clearing the ‘deadwood’ I’ve found more happiness than what I had before. Unfortunately, I had to go through a lot to get where I am, but as they say, it’s better late than never. Next week I’ll do a post on what True Friendships look like!
Until next time be thoughtful, be mindful, be present. This is Character 32 doing her best to help you!