Hi Everyone and welcome back!
Are you giving people your time who are worthy? Do you feel emotionally stressed by being there for others who are constantly relying on you? Is it draining to the point where you think to yourself ‘why am I doing this?’
This blog post is about breaking down some key points/signs on what to look for when you’re feeling ‘used’ and/or asking yourself am I in a ‘one sided relationship’
Let’s take a more in-depth look at what ‘being used’ or in a ‘one sided relationship’ might look like….
Over the years I have personally started to learn I need to be more mindful of who is worthy of my time. This statement might sound really hash but unfortunately it’s true.
For as long as I can remember I have been there for different people throughout different times in their life. I’ve sat there listening to their problems both in person or with my mobile phone attached to my head.
For hours on end I listen to their problems like a never ending waterfall crashing over me as they ‘unburden themselves’ by getting everything off their chest. At times it can be exhausting and draining as I sit quietly and listen to their problems.
I have spent hours typing emails for many different reasons because they ask for help or information which they seek from me (sometimes they don’t even say thank you!). My thumbs have been overworked through instant messenger conversations. I travel by car, plane or train to see them in their hour of need because that’s what I have done over the years for my friends who have asked for my help.
When you are constantly there for other people who in turn are not there for you it starts an emotional response where you ask yourself ‘Why the hell and I doing this, when they are treating me like I don’t matter?’
Here are some warning signs or things to look for if you are questioning your friendships
What does ‘being used’ or a ‘one sided friendship’ look like from your end?
- You are there when they need you
- You check up on them and make sure they are ok
- You listen to their problems
- You start to carry their stresses/burdens
- You go out of your way to help them
- You start putting them first ahead of your own needs
What does ‘being used’ or a ‘one sided friendship’ look like from their end?
- They don’t support you
- They are not there when you are down and out
- They don’t listen to your problems
- They make excuses why they can’t see you
- They put everyone else ahead of you
- They don’t respond to your emails
- They don’t take your calls
- They ignore you when you ask them to do something for you
- They talk about themselves all the time and aren’t interested in your life or what you have to say at all
- They will shut down and become disengaged if you talk about your life
Does any of the above look familiar to you? Do you see a pattern emerging between your friendships? Have you started to think to yourself why am I doing this? You are not there for me when I need you!
One sided friendships can be stressful in every aspect when we look at the 'Big 3’ stresses. Most of the time it will be emotional stress however at times both physical and environmental stress can both come into play.
So what does the 'Big 3’ Stress Solutions Puzzle look like when it comes to 'being used' or in a 'one sided relationship'?
I have helped a few people over the years who have been in a very bad way. They have had very different problems and variable circumstances and needed me for different reasons. Due to the severity of their situation, I felt it was my duty to help them in their time of need. I’m talking about helping people who were in a very ‘dark head space’ and not thinking rationally, which I’m happy to report have pulled themselves out of that dark place.
There’s also the people whose life choices have caused their immediate family members a great deal of stress along the way. Due to the knock on effect of stress related health effects like heart attacks and other factors I have taken it upon myself to help these people in their time of need, as they are dealing with overwhelming amounts of stress. Even though they have made questionable choices putting themselves into this situation, I still try to help out in any way I could. The way I looked at it was if I help out this might stop a further ‘tear’ in an already fragile piece of material. I think of myself as the needle and thread who can stitch the material back together.
Now they are fine therefore I’m easy disregarded and to add insult to injury some think they are ‘above’ or ‘better’ than me now? At times I’m flung with some attitude or total lack of respect as they are ‘all better’ and ‘on top of the world now’ therefore my purpose or friendship no longer is something they need.
We don’t need to get emotionally stressed over these ‘friends/people’ because at the end of the day ‘are they truly friends or people you want in your life?’ the answer is ‘no probably not’……Emotional stress can lead to a physical stress reaction in the body causing us get ‘rundown’ which see any number of physical reactions like cold sores, cold and flus, anxiety, depression and so on. And if you are constantly on your mobile phone there are endless hours of radiation to the body (whether you believe it or not?). The long haul flights are like getting an x-ray each time. These are environmental stresses you are exposing yourself to. And if you are doing it for a true friend then that’s a different story as friendships are about give and take, supporting and being there for each other. If that’s not the type of friendship you are in, then the chances are you are ‘being used’ or in a ‘one sided relationship’.
This week we addressed what 'being used' or in a 'one sided relationship' looks like. Next week we will address how to deal with these so called ‘friends or using people’ and what we can do to help ourselves. It’s about loving and respecting yourself enough to know and understand you deserve to be treated better than this. It’s also about how we can resolve and move on from being treated like the water at the base of waterfall. Once they have cascaded you with their water of problems leaving you in a pool of problems, we will address how to stop that from happening.
Until next time be thoughtful, be mindful, be present. This is Character 32 doing her best to help you!